Heart of Darkness

(Disclaimer : I do not take credit for my posts / stories / poems / works . None of them are completely original . I wish to tell my story in a way that soothes my soul and makes me feel satisfied , And I do so by incorporating various quotes from different authors / poets / etc . I use different quotes written by different people to create my own story . None of these quotes / words / sentenes belong to me . I have not written them and the credit goes to the original owners . I just wish to tel my story through these beautiful words . CREDITS GOES TO THE AUTHOR/POET AND I DID NOT WRITE THESE QUOTES)

We are all alone, born alone, die alone .

We shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way.

And that’s how I feel too , right now .

I feel its far better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone who doesn’t understand your pain , your sadness .

I  do not wish to be someone’s burden ,

so I build a mask for myself , a mask with an everlasting smile .

A personality of happiness and warmth clashing with my ice coldness.

And when a little truth spills out , hands start pointing out , mouths start speaking .

I must  wear a mask suited to others , but should I ?

I know what you’ll say

Life is too good to be alone

But sometimes life is too hard to not be alone

In fact

I don’t want to be alone,

I want to be left alone

My mask need a little rest

And I also need time to change my mask ,

It takes time to peel off the one I am wearing and time to adjust to the other one

Don’t misunderstand , I do want to talk to you

But its tiring , after all we need someone who matches our tempo right ?

Well I wish I could be sorry , but I’m not

Matching your ridiculously warm tempo ain’t in me

So at times ,

I have to be alone very often

And then you start talking , assuming

God so frustrating ,

Is it because I experienced so much in such a short time that I find you so immature

Well I don’t care anymore

 I need to refuel

 After all I need to come back as your self imagined person the next day

But right now I need to do something absolutely honest,

 Something true,

Something myself , something that

 Always turned out to be a thing that had to be done alone

And when I’m alone

I feel too much.

That’s what’s going on.

Sometimes when I feel like talking

I ask you

‘ ‘Do you think one can feel too much?

Or just feel in the wrong ways?’

‘My insides don’t match up with my outsides.’

‘Do anyone’s insides and outsides match up?’

‘I don’t know. I’m only me.’

‘Maybe that’s what a person’s personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.’

 ‘But it’s worse for me.’

 ‘I wonder if everyone thinks it’s worse for him.’

 ‘Probably. But it really is worse for me

And what do you say

Nothing , after all

Now I’m being weird

I’m being unusual

Listening to you I realize

The mask is too tight

The smile is slipping

I need to fix it quickly

I laugh ,

I try to make it genuine

But it comes of as fake as it can come

I turn to see you reaction

Oh wait I forgot

You only see what you want to see

A genuine laugh

Well okay

I tried to blend into the world again

But people always disappoint me

Nothing new anyway

Sometimes

being alone never felt right.

sometimes it felt good,

well , now my mask is done for the day ,

 I need to rest